University at Zoo Camp

This has been a strange week for me; my mind has not been in the game. That might explain the large dent in my front fender from where the garage door jumped out at me.  It also might explain the tears that have been quick to come these past few days.  Every once in awhile I have a pity party. Usually a car is not damaged, but my defenses do go down as my emotions well up. You see, in a perfect world, Jared would have been going to college this weekend.   We would have driven up or down the thruway, car packed to the hilt with comforters, computer and Mountain Dew where, once we reached our destination, we would drop Jared, and after a few hugs and tears, would drive away, leaving him to his next stage of life. 

Instead, I found myself driving Jared to Zoo Camp. Don't get me wrong; it is a wonderful program, and Jared absolutely loves spending time there with his friends putting together acheological type offerings consisting of bones taken from owl scat, but it still strikes me sometimes- I have a child that is on a different journey than I expected.  As I stood chatting with one of the dads after dropping Jar off one morning, the subject came up, and I sort of choked out, "I would have been dropping Jared off at college this weekend," to which my friend replied, "M--- would have been just finished with college."  A moment, a connection between two parents who, every once in awhile, have to readjust the dream.  I think this is a part of having a child with special needs. There are smooth patches that seem to go on forever, but once in awhile, life has to remind us that we are not in control of what we are given; we are, however the ones who can refocus and redirect our dreams so as to meld with our child's experiences. And Jared has a beautiful hand-crafted bird house that he wants to give to Gabby the next time he sees her.