On Being OK

There is a fragility one notices in new moms of kids with Down Syndrome.  I can't quite describe it, but I will try. The eyes have a guarded thoughtfulness.  Tears are quick to come. We are vulnerable when we have a baby with special needs. There is still a part of us that wants it not to be true, to all go away.  However, these new moms turn a brave face to the world, a visage that says, "I have a child with Down Syndrome. I'm ok with it. Don't you dare say or do anything that demeans my child."  New moms of children with special needs are fighters. We don't want pity. We just want acceptance for our children.  Some are quiet about it, while others, the really brave ones, rally around the cause and plow the road that lies ahead of our children with an energy that wells up from deep within. I'll bet many of these moms didn't even know they had that, the fight, I mean.  I had a conversation recently that started like this: If there was a magic wand, would you wave it about your child's head in order to whisk away the part that is Down Syndrome?  "Yes, I would,"I said. Who wouldn't want the world to be easier and more welcoming for our children?  Who wouldn't want to take away the stigmatism that comes with being different? I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't. But stay with me here. I'm ok with Jared having Down Syndrome now. I think I've been ok with if for a couple of years. It took a long time to get there, but once that acceptance came, with it came a rush of peace.  I want to tell you new moms out there. That peace will come, sooner for some than others. And as far as waving that magic wand? Some days I still want to wave it, but there are many more days when that wand can stay in its velvet-lined box.