Purpose

Lately, I find myself just watching Jared as he navigates through life in all his deliberateness.  It seems like in the last few months, I am getting glimpses of what kind of man he will be. It seems funny, but his turning 18 has caused me to look at him in a different way. This must happen with all of our children, this transition from childhood to adulthood, but I guess I never really thought it would happen for Jared. One time, a well-intentioned woman said to me upon noticing my toddler with Down Syndrome, "Oh people with Down Syndrome are so happy, and when they grow up, they are just like big kids!"  I smiled dutifully, but cringed inside. I didn't want Jared to be just a big kid when he grew up. I wanted him to be a man, a good man who will have  new experiences, foster meaningful relationships, and contribute to society in his own way.  The woman was being kind, but with her words, I felt the weight of that future burden, of having an oversized boy, a big kid with me forever, one whom I would love, but with whom I would never enjoying an adult relationship, another death of a dream, another disappointment.
But, like I said, I've been watching Jared these last few months, and I am seeing the man within the teenager. I watch him interact with other young men at special olympics. They all tease and joke and jostle eachother with those "man-kind" of light punches to the arm. They get serious and competetive when they run races. Testosterone knows no boundaries... And I watched Jared this morning when I came down for my coffee, awake before all of us, steeped in routine, but the routine of a young, purposeful adult.  First finding his leftovers in the refrigerator, spooning them into his thermos before heating it up in the microwave. Washing his apple, finding some gluten free cookies to bag and put in his lunch pail. Folding a napkin, slowly and carefully to place on top of everything. And I stand and watch, sipping my coffee, as he reminds me that he is staying after for "friend to friend" to watch a movie. He'll take the late bus home, he says.  And I listen as he tells me that he started reading Pride and Prejudice last night on his IPAD, and that it is about a man who wants to get married, and is in love, something like that.  And even though, he may not be getting all of the nuances of Jane Austin, (who does?) he is reading, exploring worlds that we never thought would be open to him, one simple page at a time. And it will be ok if he leaves the story. The fact that he is trying is part of whom he is becoming, a young man, carving out what will be an independent,  rewarding and happy life.  He's just left now, found a sweatshirt that he hadn't seen for awhile, put it on, and walked outside, not a big happy kid, but a young man, stepping into his meaningful life.