Growing up With Jared: Purpose

Growing up With Jared: Purpose: "Lately, I find myself just watching Jared as he navigates through life in all his deliberateness. It seems like in the last few months..."

Purpose

Lately, I find myself just watching Jared as he navigates through life in all his deliberateness.  It seems like in the last few months, I am getting glimpses of what kind of man he will be. It seems funny, but his turning 18 has caused me to look at him in a different way. This must happen with all of our children, this transition from childhood to adulthood, but I guess I never really thought it would happen for Jared. One time, a well-intentioned woman said to me upon noticing my toddler with Down Syndrome, "Oh people with Down Syndrome are so happy, and when they grow up, they are just like big kids!"  I smiled dutifully, but cringed inside. I didn't want Jared to be just a big kid when he grew up. I wanted him to be a man, a good man who will have  new experiences, foster meaningful relationships, and contribute to society in his own way.  The woman was being kind, but with her words, I felt the weight of that future burden, of having an oversized boy, a big kid with me forever, one whom I would love, but with whom I would never enjoying an adult relationship, another death of a dream, another disappointment.
But, like I said, I've been watching Jared these last few months, and I am seeing the man within the teenager. I watch him interact with other young men at special olympics. They all tease and joke and jostle eachother with those "man-kind" of light punches to the arm. They get serious and competetive when they run races. Testosterone knows no boundaries... And I watched Jared this morning when I came down for my coffee, awake before all of us, steeped in routine, but the routine of a young, purposeful adult.  First finding his leftovers in the refrigerator, spooning them into his thermos before heating it up in the microwave. Washing his apple, finding some gluten free cookies to bag and put in his lunch pail. Folding a napkin, slowly and carefully to place on top of everything. And I stand and watch, sipping my coffee, as he reminds me that he is staying after for "friend to friend" to watch a movie. He'll take the late bus home, he says.  And I listen as he tells me that he started reading Pride and Prejudice last night on his IPAD, and that it is about a man who wants to get married, and is in love, something like that.  And even though, he may not be getting all of the nuances of Jane Austin, (who does?) he is reading, exploring worlds that we never thought would be open to him, one simple page at a time. And it will be ok if he leaves the story. The fact that he is trying is part of whom he is becoming, a young man, carving out what will be an independent,  rewarding and happy life.  He's just left now, found a sweatshirt that he hadn't seen for awhile, put it on, and walked outside, not a big happy kid, but a young man, stepping into his meaningful life.

Growing up With Jared: Spring is in the Air...

Growing up With Jared: Spring is in the Air...: "I think I've written before that when Jared was born I worried so much. I worried about the quality of life he would have. I worried if..."

Spring is in the Air...

I think I've written before that when Jared was born I worried so much. I worried about the quality of life he would have. I worried if he would have things to do, friends, a girlfriend. Well, I needn't have worried. Jared has a nice life. He seems happy. Yes, he has the same ups and downs all teenagers have, but there is still a peace about him, an exuberance for the things we might deem small, but to Jared, a young man who is blessed to live in the moment, every bit of life holds meaning for him. Someone once said to me that summer is like a lemon that we try to squeeze every drop of juice out of. That's how Jared lives his life, and for that I am so pleased. Take his conversations with his girlfriend. On weekends, they talk for hours. First, he calls her, then they break for lunch, then she calls him back, then Jared has to give up the phone for another family member, or to go do his laundry, then they call eachother back...And they talk about the funniest things. One day, when G was telling Jared about her upcoming IEP meeting, the two of them spent the next 1/2 hour yelling, "IPP"! into the phone and laughing hysterically. Think about it; say it; it is kind of funny. Another time, one of them put on the High School Musical soundtrack, and they both sang into the phone to eachother. You can just imagine what that must have sounded like. It makes me happy when I see Jared looking up G's number in the Down Syndrome Assoc. phone book. And the other day, it made me happier still when it seemed as if he had memorized that phone number. I still remember my 3 best friends' phone numbers from dialing them hundreds of times over 30 years ago when we would talk for hours about pretty much nothing. Jared will have G's number in his head and heart for years to come too, I think.

Growing up With Jared: Happy Birthday to My Son

Growing up With Jared: Happy Birthday to My Son: "On this eve of Jared's 18th birthday, thoughts and reflections continue to travel through my head, carrying with them feelings of wistfulnes..."

Happy Birthday to My Son

On this eve of Jared's 18th birthday, thoughts and reflections continue to travel through my head, carrying with them feelings of wistfulness, nervousness, and thankfully, happiness too.  It's not surprising that I find myself alternating between memories of the day Jared was born and hopefulness, with a certain sense of nervousness, as he enters into the realm of adulthood.  18 years ago, I had trouble breathing, and didn't know how I would ever get out of that hospital bed.Today, I frosted gluten free cupcakes with Jared. He's taking them to school for his friends tomorrow. 18 years ago, I was told that no one knew when or if Jared would speak or walk; Last night, I stayed awake until almost midnight so that I could pick him up from Dance Marathon.  18 years ago, I pushed away that plate of hospital chicken and thought that I would never want to eat again, that things like food and music and laughter would never again hold any type of interest for me.  Tonight, Jar wants to go out for BBQ. We're going, and I'm having a beer, and it is going to taste great. I think I'll order the chicken too.