His Own World

     There's a picture on my cell phone of Jared sitting at a recent wrestling tournament.  I think Jake took it. In it, Jared sits alone on a mat, surrounded by people, but with a noticeable space around him ; it is as if an invisible force field shields him.  This is not the first time I've noticed this, and I have a feeling that other parents of children with special needs see it sometimes: an isolation, a solitude even in this crowded world.  It's times like these when I pause and wonder just what is going on in Jared's head. Is he feeling as alone as I, on the outside perceive he must be? I asked my sister Kathy one time when I saw Jared dancing alone at a school dance, if she thought he was sad. She said that in his world, at that particular moment in time,  he was probably happy, that my perception of solitude as a bad or lonely thing might not match his perception.  I think she may have been right, because when I looked at Jared's face, there was rapture, utter joy emanating from him. He looked so happy, so delighted. I dare say that he looked happier than some of the other kids at the dance who floundered, as we all did, in that awkward and awful stage of gawkiness .
     I guess that my ramblings today might contain a message such as this: Our perception of loneliness and  "fitting in" might not be the same as that of our children.  I would like to think that they are the keepers of a much greater joy than we have, maybe because their minds are not cluttered with worries about what other people think. When Jared sits alone now, I don't worry as much anymore. I just watch his face.