Growing up With Jared: Soft Hair and Relaxed Teeth

Growing up With Jared: Soft Hair and Relaxed Teeth: "Over the last couple of days, Jared's hair has been looking a bit greasy, even with his everyday showers, so yesterday, when I came home fro..."

Soft Hair and Relaxed Teeth

Over the last couple of days, Jared's hair has been looking a bit greasy, even with his everyday showers, so yesterday, when I came home from work, I asked him to show me which shampoo he has been using.  We marched upstairs and Jared showed me an almost empty bottle of---conditioner. Yes, Jared has been "washing" his hair with conditioner. So, we spent the next few minutes reading labels and determining which bottle would be the best one for him.  Then, we washed his hair--- twice.  It looks so much better, very conditioned, but so much better.  Like I've said before, on this journey with a child with special needs, quite often you march 2 or 3 steps forward, only to be tugged back a couple of steps every once in awhile.  But he learns, slowly he learns.  This whole shampoo/conditioner story reminds me of another case of "bottle confusion" that happened about 5 years ago, when visiting my sister.  Kathy and I were enjoying our morning cup of coffee, flipping through the paper and watching Matt Lauer (our normal routine when together in the AM) when we heard Jared coughing rather loudly from the upstairs bathroom.  "Is he ok?" my sister asked. "Oh, he's fine," I responded, taking another nonchalant sip of coffee, "he always coughs when he brushes his teeth." (I should win awards for my "fine" parenting...)  A few minutes later, the coughing turned to gagging, at which point, I decided that there might be an issue and bounded up the stairs. Jared met me, mouth frothing, and I said as I took the toothbrush from him, "here, let me help."  I started vigorously brushing his teeth, and while brushing, happened to glance down at the counter where the "toothpaste" that Jared was using lay open in all its pink, minty glory.  As I looked, I realized it was muscle relaxer! Minty, pink muscle relaxer! And I was assisting my son as he brushed with it! I screamed and dropped the toothbrush as my husband came running.  I began to cry as I explained that I was probably poisoning Jared. I actually asked my husband the following question, and this is the reason I would never have made it in the medical field: "It's muscle relaxer! What if he swallows it and it relaxes his heart?!!"  My husband, my very patient husband just looked at me and patted me on the shoulder as I realized how stupid I must have sounded. Poor Jared. After we rinsed out his mouth and realized he would be ok, the incredible hilarity struck us and we would collapse into laughter throughout the rest of our visit. And Jared's heart was ok...

Growing up With Jared: Purpose

Growing up With Jared: Purpose: "Lately, I find myself just watching Jared as he navigates through life in all his deliberateness. It seems like in the last few months..."

Purpose

Lately, I find myself just watching Jared as he navigates through life in all his deliberateness.  It seems like in the last few months, I am getting glimpses of what kind of man he will be. It seems funny, but his turning 18 has caused me to look at him in a different way. This must happen with all of our children, this transition from childhood to adulthood, but I guess I never really thought it would happen for Jared. One time, a well-intentioned woman said to me upon noticing my toddler with Down Syndrome, "Oh people with Down Syndrome are so happy, and when they grow up, they are just like big kids!"  I smiled dutifully, but cringed inside. I didn't want Jared to be just a big kid when he grew up. I wanted him to be a man, a good man who will have  new experiences, foster meaningful relationships, and contribute to society in his own way.  The woman was being kind, but with her words, I felt the weight of that future burden, of having an oversized boy, a big kid with me forever, one whom I would love, but with whom I would never enjoying an adult relationship, another death of a dream, another disappointment.
But, like I said, I've been watching Jared these last few months, and I am seeing the man within the teenager. I watch him interact with other young men at special olympics. They all tease and joke and jostle eachother with those "man-kind" of light punches to the arm. They get serious and competetive when they run races. Testosterone knows no boundaries... And I watched Jared this morning when I came down for my coffee, awake before all of us, steeped in routine, but the routine of a young, purposeful adult.  First finding his leftovers in the refrigerator, spooning them into his thermos before heating it up in the microwave. Washing his apple, finding some gluten free cookies to bag and put in his lunch pail. Folding a napkin, slowly and carefully to place on top of everything. And I stand and watch, sipping my coffee, as he reminds me that he is staying after for "friend to friend" to watch a movie. He'll take the late bus home, he says.  And I listen as he tells me that he started reading Pride and Prejudice last night on his IPAD, and that it is about a man who wants to get married, and is in love, something like that.  And even though, he may not be getting all of the nuances of Jane Austin, (who does?) he is reading, exploring worlds that we never thought would be open to him, one simple page at a time. And it will be ok if he leaves the story. The fact that he is trying is part of whom he is becoming, a young man, carving out what will be an independent,  rewarding and happy life.  He's just left now, found a sweatshirt that he hadn't seen for awhile, put it on, and walked outside, not a big happy kid, but a young man, stepping into his meaningful life.

Growing up With Jared: Spring is in the Air...

Growing up With Jared: Spring is in the Air...: "I think I've written before that when Jared was born I worried so much. I worried about the quality of life he would have. I worried if..."

Spring is in the Air...

I think I've written before that when Jared was born I worried so much. I worried about the quality of life he would have. I worried if he would have things to do, friends, a girlfriend. Well, I needn't have worried. Jared has a nice life. He seems happy. Yes, he has the same ups and downs all teenagers have, but there is still a peace about him, an exuberance for the things we might deem small, but to Jared, a young man who is blessed to live in the moment, every bit of life holds meaning for him. Someone once said to me that summer is like a lemon that we try to squeeze every drop of juice out of. That's how Jared lives his life, and for that I am so pleased. Take his conversations with his girlfriend. On weekends, they talk for hours. First, he calls her, then they break for lunch, then she calls him back, then Jared has to give up the phone for another family member, or to go do his laundry, then they call eachother back...And they talk about the funniest things. One day, when G was telling Jared about her upcoming IEP meeting, the two of them spent the next 1/2 hour yelling, "IPP"! into the phone and laughing hysterically. Think about it; say it; it is kind of funny. Another time, one of them put on the High School Musical soundtrack, and they both sang into the phone to eachother. You can just imagine what that must have sounded like. It makes me happy when I see Jared looking up G's number in the Down Syndrome Assoc. phone book. And the other day, it made me happier still when it seemed as if he had memorized that phone number. I still remember my 3 best friends' phone numbers from dialing them hundreds of times over 30 years ago when we would talk for hours about pretty much nothing. Jared will have G's number in his head and heart for years to come too, I think.

Growing up With Jared: Happy Birthday to My Son

Growing up With Jared: Happy Birthday to My Son: "On this eve of Jared's 18th birthday, thoughts and reflections continue to travel through my head, carrying with them feelings of wistfulnes..."