Mother Guilt

Why is it that, when we have a child with special needs, we feel that we have to experience everything with them as they grow up? Is it like that for our typical kids? I think about that a lot lately, because Jared is growing up and finding his own interests and activities; he is involved with his new world, his grown up world with friends I don't know and a schedule I don't follow. Often, he goes to events that I used to frequent, probably because he needed me there to support him, and probably because I needed to be around other parents like me. So, now, he goes alone; he meets his friends wherever he is going. And I do things that don't include him.  That has to be ok, right? Then why the guilt? Is it because we have been such an integral part of our children's lives since the day they were born, holding our breath as they navigated every step in their new world? Apologizing to society with words or a look when they did something that didn't quite fit the norm? Helicopter parents, not often by choice, but by necessity. When do we stop hovering and say to our adult child, "It is ok to go now. You don't have to look back at me over your shoulder to read my face in order to gauge my reaction. It is ok for you to not tell me everything. Frankly, I don't want to know everything. I want you to have safe secrets, young adult secrets that don't require my input"? You moms and dads out there with kids like Jared know that look. Our sons and daughters obtain so many social cues from our faces, don't you think? I look forward to the day that Jared too looks forward, rather than back at me and makes the right choices for himself, and goes through life his self-appointed master.  Right now, I will continue to gently nudge him; however,  I will give myself permission to let Jared do things without me having to be there, without having to organize and protect every last move that he makes. I will do right by him if I do that, don't you think?