Growing up With Jared: Fairytales Come True....

Growing up With Jared: Fairytales Come True....: "You cry a lot when you have a child born with Down Syndrome. You cry with disbelief when the dr. first tells you; you cry in anger whe..."

Fairytales Come True....

You cry a lot when you have a child born with Down Syndrome. You cry with disbelief when the dr. first tells you; you cry in anger  when you first bring him home; you cry with fear when the dr. tells you that he may not make it through his 2nd heart surgery; you cry with love when he first smiles at you; you cry with joy when he walks for the first time; you cry when other kids make fun of him; you cry with pride when he tells those same kids to leave him alone; you cry with astonishment when he wrestles his first opponent; you cry with frustration when you try to teach him to tie his shoes; you cry with happiness when he sings Silent Night in front of a hushed Christmas Eve congregation.  You assure him that it is a "happy cry" when he asks. Thank God there are so many happy cries as we grow with our children. Most recently, I experienced that same happy cry as his dear friend, Gabby, tried on countless gowns, looking for just the right one to wear to the prom when she and  Jared go this spring. Oh, if you could have seen her, first in pink, then in blue, then in another pink, and finally in the purple vision that she will wear.  She picked it because of all the "bling" on it-her words. I was so honored when she, while struggling between a white dress sprinkled with flowers and the purple with the high waist and said "bling", asked, "Randi, which one do you like the best?" With tears in my eyes, I assured her that Jared would find her beautiful in whatever she chose.  And he will.  I can hardly wait until he sees her on what will be one of the most magical nights of their lives.Gabby's mom, whom I've known since college, cried too.  You see, we weren't sure if our kids would ever make it to a prom, but they will, and Gabby will look beautiful. And Jared will look handsome. And we will cry.

Growing up With Jared: What has Changed Since the 1970s?

Growing up With Jared: What has Changed Since the 1970s?: "A few days ago, a gentleman wrote a letter to the editor complaining that there are too many teachers being paid to teach children these day..."

What has Changed Since the 1970s?

A few days ago, a gentleman wrote a letter to the editor complaining that there are too many teachers being paid to teach children these days and seemed to wonder why classrooms had to have teacher aides and why educators are struggling with more than 25 students in the room.  He claimed that he turned out fine, having been educated in the 1960s and 1970s with just one teacher and 30-plus children in the room. He wondered what had changed since the 1970s.
The following is my response to that letter:

Saturday February 20, 2011

To the Editor:

     A few days ago, William Meyer pondered the changes in education over the last 40 years, which led me to question as well, what has changed since the 1970s? Well, one thing that changed was the implementation of Public Law 94-142 in 1975, also known as the Education of ALL Handicapped Children Act.  Now that law is more widely known as IDEA or the Individuals with Disabilities Act.  What this changed, in the 1970s, was that states received federal funds so that they could implement policies that assure a free appropriate public education to all children with disabilities.  Before this change, intellectuals with disabilities didn’t receive appropriate educational services that would enable them to be productive members of society.  I’ll bet that if Mr. Meyer’s classmates in the 1960s and 1970s were to look around as they sat in that classroom with those 30-plus children, it would be safe to say that they would not have been sharing their educational space with any children with intellectual disabilities, because those children would have been segregated from the “educable” population,  perhaps placed in the basement of the school or worse yet, warehoused in state institutions.  When one teacher must stand in front of the room and  deliver information to children of similar IQs without having to differentiate in order to meet the unique learning needs of ALL children, it is perfectly understandable that there could be 30-plus children sitting in those desks and that a teacher aide would not be necessary in that classroom; however, because of this change since the 1970s, students with intellectual disabilities can be in a room with their peers so that they may be prepared for further education, enabling them to gain more independence and become productive members of society. 

     With this change, came the advent of teacher aides, the “second person in the classroom”.  Because of these so-called “extra” people in the classroom, my son who was born with Down Syndrome sings in the school choir.  Because of these other people in the room, my son learned how to build a house in his residential structures class.  Because of these other people in the room, my son will compete in Dance Marathon with other high school teens in order to raise money for kids with cancer.  Because of the other person in the room, my son just finished his second wrestling season on the JV team. Because of the extra people that will be in the room this Spring, my son, along with his girlfriend who also has Down Syndrome, will attend the junior prom without a parent having to be present. Because of the extra people in the room, all students have the opportunity to get to know and to learn from someone who may not be on the same physical or intellectual playing field, perhaps opening the door to a society that, embraces these differences with sensitivity and grace.  That is what has changed. I think that my son and many other young people like him would agree that it has been a good change.

Randi Downs

Fayetteville

Growing up With Jared: On Spending the Day With a Princess

Growing up With Jared: On Spending the Day With a Princess: "Being a mother of sons, I never thought that I would have the opportunity to engage in the timeless ritual of prom dress shopping, much as I..."

On Spending the Day With a Princess

Being a mother of sons, I never thought that I would have the opportunity to engage in the timeless ritual of prom dress shopping, much as I accepted the fact that Barbies would not cross my threshold.  GI Joes are not as much fun to dress up.  However, a few weeks ago, I was invited to go prom dress shopping with the young lady with whom Jared is going to the prom! Yep, Jared is going to the prom. Words can't describe how exciting this is! So, stay tuned, and I will tell you all about it, when we get back from a day of trying on dresses, a day when a young lady with Down Syndrome will be living a dream.

Growing up With Jared: Life's Little Blessings

Growing up With Jared: Life's Little Blessings: "So many times, when people find out that I have a son with Down Syndrome, I get the standard, 'Oh, they are such blessings, so happy and swe..."

Life's Little Blessings

So many times, when people find out that I have a son with Down Syndrome, I get the standard, "Oh, they are such blessings, so happy and sweet!"  I know that people are trying to be accepting and nice, but it's times like that when I start to say, "Yeah, until I ask him to move a bit faster or brush his teeth a bit better, or stop fighting with his brothers, or how about when he was little and would simply plop his 45-pound self down in the middle of the grocery aisle until I felt ready to be carted off to the insane asylum?"  Some days, it's difficult to find the blessings that apparently come with having a child with special needs.  But sometimes, like the other morning, something happens to remind me that God does indeed shine through my boy.  It was early morning, still dark, still very cold, and Jared was outside waiting for his bus to school.  As I stood in the kitchen, I heard him singing, his soft voice, floating out, seemingly carried on the ice crystals over the the frozen ground, and for a moment, I was reminded of my blessing.

Growing up With Jared: Self-Portrait...Jared at 13

Growing up With Jared: Self-Portrait...Jared at 13: "One day, when Jared was in 7th grade, he came home with a gift for me. He excitedly handed me a rolled up piece of paper which I laid ..."

Self-Portrait...Jared at 13

One day, when Jared was in 7th grade, he came home with a gift for me.  He excitedly handed me a rolled up piece of paper which I laid aside because I was busy making dinner. I assured Jared that I would look at it later.  Dinnertime came, along with the usual school evening mayhem, and the rolled up picture was soon forgotten under a pile of dishes and dish cloths.  Later on, when things had quieted down, I found the rolled up document once again.  I unrolled it and found myself staring at a pencil sketching of what I assumed to be Jared's likeness.  I had known that he would be doing a self-portrait for 7th grade art class having heard about it with all the other parents at open house, but I was still surprised to have it, looking back at me, braces and all.  I was so pleased that Jared had once again proven that he could do what other kids in his grade were expected to do. Then I read what Jared had written underneath the smiling face: "He has Down Syndrome. That's me. Jared 10/6/06.
This gave me pause because I had rarely heard Jared discuss himself and Down Syndrome in the same sentence.  I guess it hit me pretty hard because this was his self-portrait; this was how Jared saw himself.  Through my tears, I asked my husband if he had seen the picture and read the statement.  He said that he had and that when he asked Jared about it,  Jared had replied that he wanted people to know that the picture looked strange because he has Down Syndrome.  My heart broke as I heard Jared's words repeated by John.  Was this how Jar saw himself?  The picture showed a face with braces and a tongue hanging out of a somewhat garish mouth.  The eyes were wide open and unfocused. I was aware that it was a self-portrait by a very immature artist, and that drawing was not Jared's forte, but it still hurt to see him that way.  The middle school years are a time for awkwardness and insecurity, and it pained me that Jared was going through the same feelings that other adolescents go through, but I was thinking it has to be hard for someone who is always a bit behind and doesn't look the way society expects him to look.  I thought back to my own junior high awkwardness, spending hours in front of a mirror willing my thighs to emulate those of Charlie's Angels and wishing that my overbite would magically straighten.  Now, Jared was on the brink of adolescence, and I was wondering if it would be harder for him.  From looking at his self-portrait, I think he might have been thinking so as well.