Everybody Needs a Safe Place

There is a group of people who are out to change the world, to make it a better place for our kids. Thank you Ally and the rest of the board of GiGi's Playhouse Syracuse! Thank you for building a place for our kids to BE! Copy the link below and paste it into your browser to see what I mean! So exciting! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtJwZDdSJbA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Growing up With Jared: Now what?

Growing up With Jared: Now what?: I just noticed the wallpaper on this blog. It features a road going off into the distance. I never thought about it, but it's a symbol, real...

Now what?

I just noticed the wallpaper on this blog. It features a road going off into the distance. I never thought about it, but it's a symbol, really, of this path that Jared is on. It feels a bit like limbo, where he is right now. He has graduated from high school, and with that comes the promise of independence and new journeys. But given the fact that Jared has one more year at high school, labeled by someone at some point as a " super senior" year, He's not quite finished with this part. I am adamant that next year does not look like last year. Jared HAS graduated. So, his days next year, will consist of few academic classes and mostly work study. A search, I guess, one that will result in a future for my son. I'm a bit scared. This is a strange time,an ending time, but not quite. A beginning time, but not quite. I invite you all to come with Jared and me now. Perhaps you might offer some ideas, some answers,some understanding for this next step on that long road. Right now, as I write, Jared is entertaining his little brother at the YMCA. They play basketball; then Jared buys his brother a snack,and they sit and chat, a grown-up thing really.

Growing up With Jared: Readying the House

Growing up With Jared: Readying the House: Last night, I went out and bought one of those air beds because my parents are coming soon, and the futon is just not big enough. On a prev...

Readying the House

Last night, I went out and bought one of those air beds because my parents are coming soon, and the futon is just not big enough. On a previous visit, Dad had gotten up quickly and proceeded to dump mom onto the guest room floor, so I think their sleeping arrangements need to be made a bit safer. So, back to my story...As I drove home, blowup bed next to me, I remembered, 19 years ago, buying a sleeper couch on what turned out to be the day before Jared arrived into this world. Like now, we needed an extra bed because a new baby was coming, and with a new baby come guests. Guests like my mom and my dad, my sisters and brothers, friends,... I remember setting up the sleeper couch, filled with excited anticipation of the arrival of the baby boy who was due any day.  A day later, Jared came, and my life changed. I'm glad for the bed, for the guests that came. When they arrived, however, it was not to celebrate exactly, but to console a young mom who, frankly was pretty scared and devastated at the swift turn of events. One of the first guests to arrive was my mom. I still can picture her, all those years ago as I walked down the stairs of the townhouse and saw her sitting cross-legged on the pull-out couch with my tiny baby looking up at her. She was taking each arm, each leg and moving them around, talking non-stop to this baby with some of the silliest faces I had ever seen. She was treating him like a baby, like her grandchild, not like an individual with Down Syndrome.  She was playing Mozart and waving 2 or 3 of those shiny mylar(sp?) balloons just within his sight. "Stimulation!" she said in that no nonsense way of hers, that voice known to me for 26 years. We laughed then. I remember, because I wasn't laughing a lot those days. "Talk to him all the time," my mom told me. "Expect him to do everything, and he will." I took her advice, and I have been talking to Jared all the time. I have expected him to read, to play, to do his laundry, to stay home alone, to have a girlfriend, to go to the prom, to be on TV, to be a big brother, to graduate, to work, and he has, and he will. So the bed is ready for the arrival of guests this weekend. My mom and my dad, my mom who has always expected and demanded the success of her children and of her grandchildren, and my dad, who was there to hold me when I cried in the hospital 19 years ago.  I expect he will provide a shoulder for me again this weekend as Jared walks across that stage, and I know that Mom will be standing next to me cheering for that boy. I ordered some balloons. I made sure to order a shiny one too. She'll like that, I think.

Growing up With Jared: Another Chapter Begins

Growing up With Jared: Another Chapter Begins: There are signs around the house...announcements next to envelopes waiting to be stuffed, a t-shirt with "Seniors 2012" written down the ...

Another Chapter Begins

There are signs around the house...announcements next to envelopes waiting to be stuffed, a t-shirt with "Seniors 2012" written down the side, an unopened letter from the local community college.  My son is graduating; sort of the end of one journey, and the start of another.  My job lately seems to be that of "transition director".  "No," I tell Jared, "you won't do chorus at school next year. You are a member of the church choir now.  No, you won't take regular classes when you walk back into the high school next year; work studies, five days a week, will fill your time.  No, you won't wrestle on the team; you will be the manager.  You will wear the coat they gave you at the banquet, and you will help out where you can."  I think I say these things more to define for me the role of my graduating son.  Hearing it out loud makes it easier for both of us to accept, with excitement, yes, but also with some trepidation, that things are changing.  I would be lying if I said I didn't have twinges of "graduation envy" as I look around at the other seniors who are leaving those hallowed halls to pursue dreams of their own.  The dictionary defines "to graduate" as to receive a degree or diploma on completing a course of study; or to pass by degrees, to change gradually.  I guess that Jared's situation best matches the latter.  There is change happening, yet it is gradual change, and once again, I have to be content with that.  I will be content, but not without some reflective struggle as, once again, Jared must define his place in the world.  He is ok with it, I think.  He wears his senior t-shirt with pride, looks forward to taking Gabby to the ball, and waits with anticipation to walk down the aisle to receive his diploma, his degree, as he changes gradually.  And I stuff the envelopes, trying to remember all of the people who have touched my boy's life (there are so many), while thinking about the cake (there needs to be a gluten free option), and how I might decorate the tables.  And the music; there HAS to be music. Jared wouldn't have it any other way.  And neither would I.